So, today was Rogation Sunday. I had a little bit of hope that today would be the day I could interest some people in my church to join me in gardening this summer, with the intent of growing a few organic things for ourselves, and to share the extras with others at church including our Community Meal (soup kitchen).
This was the dangling carrot I invented for myself, to have a reason to continue going to church "for a season".
Nothing was planned for Rogation, except for the choice of hymns. I asked my priest (who liked my idea last September) if she would say something during the announcements, or if I could. She suggested that I do it, because she might forget. And so I did.
On the way out, I asked if she could bless my seeds. She wasn't sure, because the cancer support group was doing the forum (which we don't have on a regular basis) and said it would depend on time, etc., depending on what's going on with their presentation.
So during the forum, I sat at a long table next to my set-up card table. (I also had my copy of the Book of Occasional Services on the table in front of me.) She ended up sitting next to me. But as soon as the cancer presentation was finished, she got up and left.
So not only did I feel completely unsupported, as if I were the "Weed of the Church", I was subjected to the group who is encouraging us to support the Relay for Life, where the proceeds go to the American Cancer Society -- and the main chunk goes to (animal) research to "find a cure". Whatever.
No group in that church gets much support, if any, from the rest of the congregation. The church is "unresponsive".
I was visably upset before I left, and told one guy why (not a member, but a regular attendee) -- not just because of today, but because of the benign neglect (a passive way of saying "no") over the unpreviewed Proclamation DVD. I asked the guy who does the liturgical schedule to take me off, because I am in need of a "sabbatical".
One lady showed some interest in taking some lettuce, radish & cilantro seeds. But she has an apartment balcony, so doesn't really have room to grow much. Even so, since she's just one person, I really don't need to go back to church on a regular basis. I'll go back when I have something worthwhile to offer the church -- like my extra potatoes.
Even though it was cold today, I'm glad I wore my new "Episcopally-correct" T-shirt to church. It has the ENAW logo on the front, above a quote:
"Speak up for those who have no voice,
for the cause of those appointed to die."
-- Proverbs 31:8 [NKJV variation]
And on the back, it has one of the Baptismal promises from the BCP:
"Do you renounce the evil powers of the world which corrupt and destroy the creatures of God?"
"I renounce them."
Another thing that bothers me is that the intercessions for the Prayers of the People are always cleared out, or non-existent. I have a friend in hospice care, and it is like pulling teeth to try to keep her on the church's prayer list. What's up with that?!
Basically, church depresses me. Why waste the gas to go? It takes me about two weeks to recover.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Inhibited by broken promises
I've been dreading going to church tomorrow, because I'm afraid my priest might ask, "How are you?" It's always such a complicated question to try to answer honestly, or accurately, since my mood can change from one day to the next. I will say that this was a rough week, and it took me most of that time to get over my disappointment of last weekend.
So what word would I use to describe how I am, or how I'm feeling? A few came to mind. "Grounded" was one that sounds pretty neutral, especially this past week, when so many jets were grounded to have their wire bundles in their wheel wells inspected. It is also fitting, because my organic veggie seeds arrived this week. So I've started planting them, hoping they'll be seedlings by mid-May.
But in the Episcopal Church's climate this week, the word "inhibited" came to mind. I feel inhibited. I'm not feeling personally inhibited as if I did anything wrong that would cause me to be kept silent. But the thing I was hoping would happen since last November won't ever happen, and now I am left feeling pretty much like the wind has been sucked out of my sails, that I am out of ideas, and that my hope has died. ("Zombie of the Church" just came to mind, too. But I think I'll keep that one to myself, hoping something will improve my mood soon.)
The gardening idea is still a "go". But I've all but lost interest in promoting it, even though I'll bring my seeds on the 27th (if nothing has sprouted by then) in case there is any sort of Rogation Sunday thingie that will be going on.
We talked briefly about the upcoming Animal Rights National Conference in August, where I'll be a speaker on the topic of animals & religion. I mentioned that the person who submitted my name asked if I knew of any bishops who might be interested in going to speak too. I had some in mind. My priest suggested another one, who happens to be retired. Somehow it came up in conversation that the clergy who are more likely to feel free to talk about animal issues are those who are either non-parochial or retired. And after the flak our Presiding Bishop got from the conservative bloggers, I felt like I was opting toward suggesting the retired bishop.
That whole idea brought up a Catch 22 in my mind -- knowing that non-parochial or retired means that this is a topic that will never get discussed in our churches in a meaningful way. Congregational life. It's a pit, because no one wants to ruin the tranquility, or get anyone riled up enough to leave. (I don't count. I'm just one person.) So this is what it boiled down to for me:
"...the thought occurred to me that the problem with the Church is that it allows 'the evil powers of this world which corrupt and destroy the creatures of God' to orchestrate for us what is safe and acceptable to talk about in a public forum, and, that the churches are unwilling to 'renounce them'."
How is it that the Church expects people to publicly renounce the evil powers of this world which corrupt and destroy the creatures of God as part of their Baptismal promises, when the Church will not?
So what word would I use to describe how I am, or how I'm feeling? A few came to mind. "Grounded" was one that sounds pretty neutral, especially this past week, when so many jets were grounded to have their wire bundles in their wheel wells inspected. It is also fitting, because my organic veggie seeds arrived this week. So I've started planting them, hoping they'll be seedlings by mid-May.
But in the Episcopal Church's climate this week, the word "inhibited" came to mind. I feel inhibited. I'm not feeling personally inhibited as if I did anything wrong that would cause me to be kept silent. But the thing I was hoping would happen since last November won't ever happen, and now I am left feeling pretty much like the wind has been sucked out of my sails, that I am out of ideas, and that my hope has died. ("Zombie of the Church" just came to mind, too. But I think I'll keep that one to myself, hoping something will improve my mood soon.)
The gardening idea is still a "go". But I've all but lost interest in promoting it, even though I'll bring my seeds on the 27th (if nothing has sprouted by then) in case there is any sort of Rogation Sunday thingie that will be going on.
We talked briefly about the upcoming Animal Rights National Conference in August, where I'll be a speaker on the topic of animals & religion. I mentioned that the person who submitted my name asked if I knew of any bishops who might be interested in going to speak too. I had some in mind. My priest suggested another one, who happens to be retired. Somehow it came up in conversation that the clergy who are more likely to feel free to talk about animal issues are those who are either non-parochial or retired. And after the flak our Presiding Bishop got from the conservative bloggers, I felt like I was opting toward suggesting the retired bishop.
That whole idea brought up a Catch 22 in my mind -- knowing that non-parochial or retired means that this is a topic that will never get discussed in our churches in a meaningful way. Congregational life. It's a pit, because no one wants to ruin the tranquility, or get anyone riled up enough to leave. (I don't count. I'm just one person.) So this is what it boiled down to for me:
"...the thought occurred to me that the problem with the Church is that it allows 'the evil powers of this world which corrupt and destroy the creatures of God' to orchestrate for us what is safe and acceptable to talk about in a public forum, and, that the churches are unwilling to 'renounce them'."
How is it that the Church expects people to publicly renounce the evil powers of this world which corrupt and destroy the creatures of God as part of their Baptismal promises, when the Church will not?
The Presiding Bishop's Easter Message
Since this is a rant, I decided to move it here, from my other blog site. (It was from April 2nd.) As a background, here is the link to The Presiding Bishop's Easter Message.
I started a blurb, and then deleted it. It ended up being a diatribe about the typically disrespectful/hateful comments I found on the conservative blogs. I'll wait until I can simply state why I was happy to read the Presiding Bishop's Easter Message. I know why I was. I'm not so sure that I'd want to post it here. Maybe I'll let the positive reside on my March 23rd blurb with the excerpt that can speak for itself. Maybe I'll concentrate on the negative comments I read, instead, since I don't feel like posting my opinions on their blogs, and subject myself to the self-righteous pyranhas. I need to get some sleep.
Added 4/5/08:
In response to those who ripped the Presiding Bishop apart because her Easter Message wasn't "Christian-enough" for their taste (and nothing she could ever do or say would make them happy anyway), I would simply say that she was speaking to Episcopalians, who already know what Easter is about. Anyone who goes to church once or twice a year knows about Jesus' death and Resurrection. She was saying things that most Episcopalians do not seem to know about -- or care about. Why Easter? Why not? It is a time when churches traditionally do baptisms. Maybe people who read the Easter Message had a chance to hear this for the first time:"Do you renounce the evil powers of this world which corrupt and destroy the creatures of God?"
"I renounce them."
One thing I found so potentially important about the message, is that we are big into the MDG's. I am hopeful that her message will encourage charitable people in our churches to find ways to support the MDG's that not only help the poorest of the poor, but do not hurt the environment, or add to animal suffering. If the higher-ups in the Church take her message to heart, maybe we can stop encouraging people to support "buy a cow for a poor family" schemes. Maybe ERD will phase out their "animal slavery project". Maybe the creator of the animal-exploitive Advent Calendar that is posted every year on the Diocese of Washington's website will update the daily outreach suggestions. Who knows what could happen, when someone in a position like hers actually goes out on a limb to speak to a topic that even our environmentalists who talk about Climate Change won't touch?
(Go ahead and eat your Easter hamburgers out of contempt for our Church leader, you self-righteous, self-indulgent, hard-hearted brood of vipers. Why not throw in a gluttonous Turducken while you're at it, just for spite? How many creatures of God are you willing to corrupt and destroy, just so you can dehumanize another Christian who doesn't fit your mold?)
The Easter Message came to my attention just at a time when I was ready to drop out, because I've been so impatient with, and disillusioned by the Church's silence (and "imposed silence") on these topics -- eternally displaced by more important topics of the day like "sex and schism" that is a smoke screen that diverts attention from everything else, and is generally out of touch with anything other than its own self-interests. I'm back, because she opened a door!
I was reminded of these old posts:
- An Open Letter to Episcopalians (and other charitable people) in support of MDG's
- The other "Inconvenient Truth" -- a message for the Church (and the world)
- MDG's: A few cruelty-free international relief and development organizations
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